Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
