Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
