Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
