I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
