Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She even gives head with a lisp.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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