he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
