he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
