forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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