I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
