jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
