Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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