I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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