i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
