...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
