if i died would you start the facebook group?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
