his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Panties = found
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
