Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
