I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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