We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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