Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
