Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
