I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
