I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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