you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
