so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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