Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
