She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
