i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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