She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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