My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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