you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
