i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
