My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
