I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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