Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
