If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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