she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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