I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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