so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
