listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
