btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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