Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
