You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
