Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
