ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
