i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
