I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
