I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
