I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
