don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
