Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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