eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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