why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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