Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i came on her dog
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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