My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
