Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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