The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
