i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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