I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
