put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
