i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
