why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize