It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
