I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
