There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
