It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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