did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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