I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
