you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
