WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
