On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
