Sry I called you an 8
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
