she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
