I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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