I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
