why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
