This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
