ugly people sure do ruin things
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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